Ways To Be Happier & More In Love
1. Ditch the notion of perfection.
“When we learn to let the perception of perfection go and accept our partners as they are, we ultimately find happiness. Accepting that the relationship we have with our partner is not going to be perfect is the first step. Many traits can be hard to overlook, but when we are with our partner and they make us feel truly loved, cared for and safe, that outweighs the annoyances.”
2. Before blaming your partner, find another way around the problem.
“That wistful absent-minded behavior that is endearing and adorable when you are dating becomes as irritating as nails on a chalkboard when you move into the same space day in and day out. We can help ourselves and our relationships by finding easy solutions that resolve potential conflicts and don’t force anyone to change who they uniquely are in the world. We must leave our inner egos and need to be right out of the discussion in order to create a happy ending. One such example was when my new husband dropped the toothpaste cap down the drain when he moved into my apartment in a Historical Landmark building. Conflict averted when I managed to retrieve the cap from the drain and purchased future toothpaste with an attached cap to prevent another incident. To quote Big Hero Six, “find another way around the problem” that serves you well.”
3. Recognize when you need to step away and detach.
“When confronting challenges in a relationship, there is sometimes the tendency to believe there are only two choices: either change the other person or turn yourself into a pretzel trying to please them. The act of detaching, however, can eliminate the battle and soften the suffering. It is often the most effortless, effective and loving option there is.”
7. Anticipate that sometimes things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay.
“Remember that your partner is not you, and is a fallible human just like the rest of us. The question you have to ask yourself is “Do I love him?” If the answer is yes, then it is time to actually love him. Treat him with love, compassion, and acceptance rather than complaints, anger, and manipulation. You’ll both be happier!”
8. Be mindful of the impact of your complaining.
“Accept whatever trait you are complaining about! At least for now, it’s making you both miserable to complain. Choose to focus on being grateful for what he does do. What do you really want — to make him wrong and be right or to have love? When you stop complaining, you’ll be happier and so will he, and he might just do what you want because he wants to do it to please you. Stop making him wrong for not giving you love, attention, happiness. Look at what you really need and share what you need and why it is important. And then ask him what he needs from you. A happier relationship means you are both giving to each other. Thank him for whatever he does even if it isn’t exactly what you wanted. You catch more flies with honey (gratitude) than with vinegar (complaining).”
9. Accept that being all things to each other at all times is a myth.
“The distinguishing qualities of a great husband, lover, financial partner, or father to your babies are just not the same as those of your best friend. So can we please stop insisting that he wear your best friend badge, too? I mean it’s romantic to say, ‘today I marry my best friend’ in your wedding vows, but it’s really way too much pressure to put on your life partner. And likely you’ll end up pissing off at least two bridesmaids who lived through a couple of past boyfriend dramas with you — and maybe even held your hair last night after too many celebratory martinis. Healthy people have hobbies and deeply connected friendships outside of their romantic lives. Strong, independent, sexy people are attracted to strong, independent sexy people. Want to keep your long-term marriage interesting? Have some adventures on your own. Give your man the same room. Forge friendships and networks that have nothing to do with your husband or kids. Then come home and revel in the mystery you’ve both created. Best friends tend to share clothes and, over time, look alike. Think 20, 30 years down the line and imagine what matching khakis and reading glasses will look like. (Please, shudder.) Still insist on living with your best friend? Get a dog. Want a long lasting sexy relationship? Do something that excites you on your own. And accept that he needs to do the same.”
10. Love with a “no matter what happens” mindset.
“A trait we should all aspire to have is the ability to show unconditional love. Unconditional means that no matter how they respond to you in their moments of frustration, you love them … unconditionally. When they say or do something to you to intentionally hurt you because of an internal struggle with their own hurt, you still love them … unconditionally. I am in no way inferring that this is an easy attribute to attain. After all, it is not something with which we are born; it is a learned skill. However, to achieve a happier and healthier relationship — emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, this is the ‘who’ you must become. Once you are that person, the sky is the limit to your happiness and all your future endeavors.”
11. Decide to make things better every day.
“Radical acceptance is always a stretch — that’s what makes it radical; as such, it’s both a gift and an act of courage. You, however, need to be realistic and set yourself a target you can actually reach. So consider three traits in your partner that you find difficult; rate them from hard, to hardest to accept. Then pick one that you feel willing to truly open your heart to; then make a decision go beyond your own self-interests, and accept that aspect of them.”